I Touch Myself

Last week, I had another appointment with my rheumatologist. All I can say is, it was a little bit better than the last visit, no thanks to Dr. Rheumo. The real thanks goes to the cute, young Dr. Peter that was following her around. I go to a teaching medical hospital, so I see lots of medical students, interns and residents. I don’t mind. I figure they have to learn somewhere, and they might someday discover the cure for cancer or Alzheimer’s. At any rate, cute, young Dr. Peter came into my exam room and asked if he could ask some questions. Basically, he asked me my medical history, so he got the full story, complete with depression history, my two C-sections, prolonged, induced first labor, and everything leading up to my current state. We were in there about 45 minutes talking, and he really was sweet and incredibly, terribly earnest. Bless his heart.

So, while talking, I mentioned that often, I feel a lot like I used to after REALLY overdoing it at the gym (back in the Stone Age when I was rather fit and did this on a regular basis), where I didn’t want to move, and I didn’t want anyone to touch me. Of course, that feeling would pass in a day or two, and I’d be better. The trouble now is that the feeling never passes; it just stays there, or gets worse. The pain and discomfort grinds on you, not just physically (which can be difficult), but emotionally and psychologically. In my head, I KNOW there’s so much dog hair on the carpet you can no longer tell what color it really is, but I also know that using the vacuum cleaner, even for that little bit, could cause untold agony the next day. So, I have to weigh the pros and cons for everything I do. I told cute, young, earnest Dr. Peter that my family was really understanding at first, but now, it looks like I’m just lazy, since I don’t LOOK sick. It often appears to others that I have plenty of energy to do the ‘fun’ things, but no energy to do the work type things. In some ways, that’s true, since I often try to balance a certain amount of activities, like this past weekend’s trip to the Ren Fest, for my children’s benefit against how desperately the compulsive need to load the dishwasher hits.

I also told him that I got the feeling, right or wrong, that the doctors were thinking it was all in my head. I was trying to do my part, losing weight gradually (the scales backed me up on that one), slowly increasing my exercising (a delicate balance, to be sure), but when I needed the help to get there, namely pain management, I felt like I was getting the run around, being prescribed the baby aspirin of pain meds.

Like a good little student/intern, cute, young, earnest Dr. Peter ran and tattled to Dr. Rheumo. So, when she came in the room, practically the first words out of her mouth were, “We don’t think it’s all in your head, and we do believe you.” Then she gave me a prescript for some better pain meds. They don’t work great, but she also gave me the nurse’s number and her email address. I feel more like she’s with me now than before.

While visiting Dr. Rheumo, she and cute, young, earnest Dr. Peter threw out a new word – polymyalgia. Apparently, this is different than fibromyalgia. And after looking it up online, I have to agree that my symptoms do more closely align with poly. The part that’s hard to swallow? The average onset age of polymyalgia is 70. It’s unheard of in anyone under the age of 50. Necropolis says that’s because I’m aging in dog years. This brings me to something the online research suggested. Yoga.

If you had told me even 6 months ago that I’d be in a yoga class, I’m sure I would have laughed at the idea. However, even with my limited experience, I have to admit it’s been a real turning point. I haven't really bought into the whole meditation thing yet, but I do give it an honest attempt while I’m in the class. What I can’t dispute, however, is how much more loose, less tense, less stressful, just….less….I feel when I leave. It’s been amazing. I’m sure I’ll be writing about this more as time goes on and I get more involved in this. I’ve actually bought my own mat and a DVD of easy beginner stuff to do at home on the days I don’t have class. I bought a pair of yoga pants. And, I’ve knitted some yoga socks. Yeah, my feet get cold. I’ll probably knit fingerless gloves too, since my hands get cold too. Anyway, back to the socks. I looked around, and all the socks I saw looked okay, but I thought I could do better, so I came up with my own design. I have an easy-peasy version, and a more fitted version (which I prefer). I plan to put them here on the blog to share very soon. Once I actually get the second fitted sock finished. Hopefully tomorrow.

Blog entry title courtesy of The Devinyls